Using Spiritual Maturity to Recognize a Spiritual Bully

Bullies are not commonly associated with faith or any aspect of spiritual living. We don’t like to think that people of faith can be mean and manipulative. However, spiritual bullying is present, and it can cause others to feel damaged and defeated.

There are many places where a spiritual bully can create problems for those they feel are inferior in spiritual understanding. It requires spiritual maturity to identify most forms of spiritual bullying, but even then, it can occur undetected.

This is what the LORD of armies has said: ‘Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother; and do not oppress the widow or the orphan, the stranger or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another’. – Zechariah 7:9-10, NASB

Defining Spiritual Bullying

The characteristics of a spiritual bully are no different from any other type of bully. A person who ridicules what you believe and tries to make you feel inferior because of them can be characterized as a spiritual bully. Not everyone will agree with the faith of others. That is why a person must use spiritual maturity in defining what spiritual bullying looks like.

Bullying is a form of abuse and therefore can be construed as anything that may cause harm or trauma to others using fear, intimidation, or violence. It is also important to remember that bullying is not the victim’s fault. Spiritual bullying arises from the difference in beliefs and the desire to have control over how others believe.

Signs of Spiritual Bullying

Spiritual bullying can come in many forms and take place in many places other than church. A spiritual bully isn’t always the pastor of a church. They could also be a spouse or a close friend. Here are some signs that you may be a victim of spiritual bullying:

When theology is used to:

• Control appearance such as clothing or hair
• Relationships
• Finances
• Family, life, and parenting
• Instill fear
• Cause embarrassment
• Belittle or shame
• Prevent a person from engaging in their faith
• Engage in spiritual practices you do not agree with
• Isolation related to inferiority

Other actions using biblical verbiage:

• Justified discipline using verbal or physical abuse as godly submission
• Silence you when there’s a disagreement
• Using spiritual position as a way to have authority over all financial decisions
• Exploit specific doctrines such as forgiveness or mercy to justify the bully’s behavior and false apologies.
• Withholding affection based on religious grounds
• Blame the enemy or demons for the bullying behavior
• Defend child abuse as a form of “godly” discipline
• Justifying sexual coercion on religious grounds

Effects of Spiritual Bullying

Any form of abuse could have lasting mental effects and can lead to trauma. Spiritual bullying can lead to shattered faith and despair. This can also affect a person’s daily life, especially if they have deep spiritual roots.

It may not affect each person, the same, but some of the same outcomes could be a distorted image of God, low self-esteem, lack of trust, and confusion about faith and God’s word. Because spiritual bullying can range in severity, the effects are not the same for each person or situation.

Healing from Spiritual Bullying

Healing from spiritual bullying is like anything else, it will take time. Healing starts the minute you acknowledge there was a hurt. Connecting with a local Christian counselor is one way to begin healing.

Here are some strategies that can help the process of healing in these situations:

• Trust God in leading you in the next right thing to do
• Seek wise counsel
• If leaving is needed, then leave well by not trying to influence others using the situation
• Seek inner peace with God
• Practice forgiveness
• Pray for them
• And don’t feel badly

Healing will look different for each person because each situation is unique. Experiencing spiritual bullying in one church or friendship doesn’t mean that every spiritual relationship will end in bullying. Spiritual maturity will help you find the godly way of healing from the trauma of being bullied or abused spiritually.

Three processes are important to maintain as a person heals from spiritual bullying:

• It’s not your fault. Just because the other person chose to be a bully does not mean you did anything to deserve that type of treatment.
• Abuse is never OK. Regardless of who the bully is, their behavior is never justified.
• You are not alone. Though it may seem as though you were facing the situation alone, many other people have experienced being a victim of a spiritual bully.

Conclusion

Spiritual bullying happens more than society would like to admit. This does not mean that every church and every pastor or every person in Christian leadership is a bully. It simply means that spiritual bullying does happen, and it can’t have harmful effects.

If you feel you have been a victim of spiritual bullying, contact our office today. A Christian counselor at our location can help you get on the path to healing using faith-based strategies.

“Woe to the shepherds who are causing the sheep of My pasture to perish and are scattering them!” Declares the LORD. Therefore this is what the LORD, the God of Israel says concerning the shepherds who are tending My people: “You have scattered My flock and driven them away, and have not been concerned about them; behold I am going to call you to account for the evil of your deeds,” declares the LORD. – Jeremiah 23:1-3, NASB