Remarriage can be exhilarating. Even though the last marriage didn’t last, you may find yourself given another chance at love. You know that you deeply love this person and want to spend the rest of your life with them. They feel the same way about you. But you may be worried about something. One or both of you already have children, creating a blended family with your marriage.
Now, suddenly, it feels like two families have collided into one, with everyone living under the same roof. There can be issues like personality clashes, crossed boundaries, step-parent and step-child relationship issues, and new sibling rivalries.
An estimated 40% of families in the United States are blended, where there is one or more step-parent present. How can you make the most of your blended family to cohabit and grow to love one another?
Tips for Managing a Blended Family with Love
Managing a blended family does not need to be an anxiety-induced drama where the kids tear each other apart and you and your spouse are left wondering where it all went wrong. Blended families can look like any of the following:
- A man marries a woman who has children.
- A woman marries a man who has children.
- Both new spouses have children from previous relationships.
- A new baby is born to a couple who have children from previous relationships.
- A couple adopts a child or children while also having their own biological children or children from previous relationships.
- Original parents are divorced and remarried new people, bringing more step-parents and step-siblings into the blended family.
A blended family is unlike a traditional family, so new traditions, rules, boundaries, and expectations are required. It’s not about being everyone’s friend. It’s about parenting in a nurturing environment and leading your household in a Godly manner.
The following are several tips for managing a blended family with love.
Prioritize Your Relationship
Your relationship with your spouse should come first. In today’s world, we often get this upside down. We forget that God should be at the head of the family, followed by the father, mother, and children. Sometimes we elevate our children far above our spouse. Sometimes, we elevate our children above God. This is a grave error on our part if we want to have a Godly marriage and family. Choose to express love to your spouse daily in the little things. Make time for each other.
Spend Time with Each Child
Quality time with each child is essential in building and nurturing a familial bond. If you have several children at home, find things about each child that you can use to create a special bond. For example, if your daughter attends Girl Scouts, this might be a special time for mother and daughter, grabbing an ice cream before heading home. Perhaps a father or stepfather bonds with one son over softball in the backyard and fishing with another. Maybe the father and daughter can go on a date out to a restaurant. Talk with your children and ask them what they would like to do.
Be Clear About Boundaries and Rules in a Blended Family
The rules and boundaries you had set up in your home previously may not work with your blended family. Be flexible enough to create new rules. Stagger bedtimes for older children compared to the younger ones. Set curfews for older siblings. Eat at the table as a family. Delegate chores according to ages and abilities. Discuss with your spouse how you both will handle discipline, rewards, birthdays, and holidays.
Encourage New Siblings to Engage in Activities Together
Encourage new siblings to play together or engage in activities together. Younger children may have an easier time adjusting to each other’s presence. Older children may need to find common interests. Try board games and other games to help the children learn to work as a team and share laughter. Give them space to be themselves, but also to work cohesively as a family. Consult with your spouse and children about new traditions that all of you would like to see.
Family Counseling Is Available When You Need Extra Support
Family counseling is available to both blended families and traditional families. If you have a blended family and need help, don’t fret. Your family can learn the skills necessary to live in harmony and peace while growing together. Your blended family will learn how to grow in love and encouragement to become a new family unit.
Contact us today to get started with a Christian family counselor.
Photo:
“Field of blooming”, Courtesy of Annie Spratt, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
