Why There May Be Trust Issues in a Relationship

A relationship with someone can sometimes be like a beautiful tapestry or a finely-tuned or well-oiled machine where everything is balanced and has its place. However, a stitch out of place or some grit can undo it or bring the whole thing to a grinding halt with trust issues.

Don’t get me wrong – relationships can be resilient, just as people are often resilient. However, it’s also true that relationships, like people, are also vulnerable, and a single thoughtless act can undermine a beautiful and meaningful relationship.

What are trust issues?

When you trust someone, you rely on them in a variety of ways. For instance, you believe that the words coming out of their mouth are true and that you can act based on that truthfulness. If they say they’ll pick you up at 7 pm, you know they’ll be there at 7 pm, unless they are somehow prevented. If they say they love you, you can take them at their word that it is true.

Trusting someone also means that their actions and attitudes toward you are as advertised. If they smile at you, it’s because that reflects their thoughts and emotional state, and they don’t have an ulterior motive. If they are with you, it’s because they want to be with you.

Trust issues are when all the above are not true of how you perceive someone else. Their words, actions, and attitudes don’t align with reality, and you can’t reasonably act in line with their assertions. Trust issues can be linked to the inconsistent behavior of the other person, but that is not the only reason for trust issues.

Reasons for trust issues in a relationship

The main reason trust issues develop in a relationship is a breach of trust. Trust can be breached in several ways, including the following:

Unmet promises and expectations

When someone says that they will do something and then they don’t, that can lead to trust issues. In many circumstances, it takes more than one instance of this to create a breach of trust and trust issues.

When a pattern of being unreliable or inconsistent is established, that can lead to trust issues. Also, if one breaks a significant promise, like the promise of fidelity or keeping a friend’s secret, one instance is often enough to create problems in that relationship.

Past disappointments and abandonment

If someone was hurt in the past, that hurt can be carried forward into other relationships. You may not have cheated on your spouse, but because a previous partner of theirs did, your spouse doesn’t trust you as a result.

Additionally, abandonment and neglect as a child can lead to insecure attachment and difficulty or unwillingness to trust others. You may not have breached someone’s trust, but someone in their past did, and that hurt lingers and affects them today.

Rejection

Trust can be broken following rejection or experiencing a less than sanguine response from a loved one. When you are vulnerable with someone, you may have expectations (whether spoken or not) about how you’d like them to respond.

If they don’t respond according to the script you have in your head, that can cause hurt. For example, a friend’s unenthusiastic response to your new partner, or a parent not saying “Congratulations!” following a signal achievement in your life may all feel like rejection and hinder trust.

In addition to this, it should be remembered that trust takes time to build. If you don’t have enough shared time and experiences to build that trust, trust won’t exist in that relationship. It may just be that you need to invest time and energy to allow for a record of consistency to indicate trustworthiness.

Finding help for your relationship

Without trust, a relationship can become cold, formal, and unenjoyable because you’re on your guard against hurt or disappointment. That’s no way to conduct a relationship. If you have trust issues in one or several of your relationships, it’s worthwhile trying to get to the root of why those issues exist. Is it something they did, or is something else going on?

With the help of a Christian counselor at Mission Viejo Christian Counseling in California, you can unpack your relationships to understand their dynamics. Perhaps there is some unresolved pain that needs to be unearthed and addressed or a present indiscretion that is unspoken between you and your spouse.

Your counselor at Mission Viejo Christian Counseling will create a safe space for you to explore these questions and begin moving toward a resolution. Reach out to our office today to connect with a therapist in Mission Viejo and find out how you can begin addressing trust issues in your relationship.