When You Don’t Get the Answers You are Looking For

In Christian circles, children are taught early in their lives that God answers all prayers. Some pastors have said that He may say “yes, no, or maybe,” and people must learn to be content with whatever He says. To try to put a God who cannot be understood or fully explained by the human mind into a box of only three potential answers to prayer is an insult to Him. His answers are complicated and sometimes confusing.

Call to me and I will answer you. I will show you great and hidden things that you have not known. – Jeremiah 33:3

When people seek God for something and do not get the answers they are looking for, they begin to doubt Him and who He says He is. It does not seem to fit into the narrative of the loving, kind Father they have known Him to be. It can feel like cruelty, and that can be painful for people.

God did not promise to give his people all they want all the time, though some have misinterpreted various passages of Scripture to suggest otherwise. One would have to be blind to reality to assume that God gives them everything they ask for, because pain and suffering are realities of this world, and are not here because of God.

It is here because Adam and Eve chose to disobey and brought sin, death, pain, and heartache into this world. It was not God’s original intention for His people to suffer. It was His intention for them to live holy and happy lives in an unbroken relationship with Him. Even then, however, He did not promise to give them everything they wanted, no matter how noble the request.

Christians need to remember that God is above our capacity to understand. He would not be worthy of worship if He were so easily explained. There will be times when He gives them what they hope for, but there will be times the answer may not make much sense. He commands people to trust Him because He is the Sovereign of all Creation.

Some situations that feel especially confusing are things like death, serious or terminal illness, trauma, pandemics, deceitful politics, racism, abuse, war, and diverse types of loss. People ask for healing, financial provision, relationships, jobs, children, and direction. People cry out to God for these things. When their loved one dies or they can’t get pregnant or they lose their job, they become angry with God and doubt His goodness.

When the answer is not what we hoped for, some things can be done to bring comfort, clarity, and peace.

Look for the arrows

Author and host of The Next Right Thing podcast, Emily P. Freeman, says that more often than not, God leaves arrows pointing in a direction. He does not always give clear answers in neon lights, but his answers can be more subtle. They can seem more like arrows, gently leading down a path. People can look for the arrows.

They can exercise the wisdom that God promises to give those who ask it of Him in faith. Maybe they see no answer, or an answer they weren’t hoping for, but it could be that they are missing something that God is trying to communicate, leading them in a direction they need to go.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’. – Isaiah 30:21

Seek Him, not answers

It is human nature to long for answers, to long for a pain-free life full of everything they want. It is one of the reasons Eve listened to the snake and ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. She wanted to be like God and questioned His word. She didn’t believe that He was enough.

We do the same thing when we only seek answers and do not simply seek Him. When people seek Him first, He becomes the sole desire and focus of their hearts. If all that people want from God is what He can give them, then they miss the point of being in a relationship with Him. They have adopted a “taking,” instead of a “giving” mindset. Relationships are not about merely taking, but about what we can give, as well.

Our relationship with God should never just be about getting answers to our prayers. It should be about communing with Him.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

Be honest

It is okay to share with God when we are disappointed or hurt by His answers. He is not threatened by our honesty because, in it, He reminds a person of truth. When a person asks Him a question, like “Why God,” He reminds them of who He is – the sovereign God who knows all and sees all; the God who loves and comforts and who never leaves His children. The honesty can also be healing, helping a person get their thoughts and feelings out instead of holding it all in. It is better to be honest with God than to ignore Him when angry.

Keep listening and waiting.

There are times when people ask something of God over an extended period of time. To keep asking and asking can be exhausting and discouraging. Sometimes people give up and stop asking altogether. They ask for a new job, but one never comes. They ask for a baby but are not able to conceive. They ask for healing, but their illness worsens.

They should not lose hope. Instead, they can continue to listen to the Spirit within them and to the wise counsel of others. They can look again for the arrows that God is using to point them to the answer. Hope is always there if people choose to see it. They can continue to wait and continue to listen, and God will show them what is next.

Adjust your expectations.

If we are constantly disappointed in God and His ways, then maybe it is time to evaluate and adjust our expectations. Maybe our expectations of God do not line up with who He is. Maybe you expect health, wealth, and prosperity, a life free of pain and suffering. Maybe you expect God to do everything you want Him to do, to show love, kindness, and grace only in ways that make sense to our human minds.

God is love and He is gracious and kind, but He is also righteous and just. He does no wrong. He makes decisions that people do not often understand, and He does not always act the way that they hope He will much of the time. Remember who He is. Remember that He is above all things and that He is worthy of worship, no matter what befalls you.

Remember that He is not the author of the pain that our First Parents brought into the world. Remember that He loves so much that He gave His own Son to die so that His people could live eternally with Him and be free from the power and penalty of their sin.

It is painfully difficult when people do not get what they want. Often, grief accompanies prayers that are not answered as one hoped, but don’t let that take hope away. He is still loves and will never stop loving you.