Understanding Chemical Dependency

Addiction and chemical dependency have a wide impact, beyond the person with the addiction. It takes a toll on the mental health of friends and family. It can hurt relationships with spouses, parents, and children. Job performance may suffer leading to financial difficulties. Some addictions can have negative impacts on long-term physical health as well.

Chemical dependency is a more specific way to describe addiction. It could be alcohol, nicotine, drugs (prescriptive, legal, medicinal, or illegal substances), and even screens. Essentially, the brain and body have been rewired to require this chemical to function.

If you occasionally have a glass of wine, that is not an addiction. If you cannot stop thinking about having a glass of wine all day, and when you get that glass, all you want to do is have more, that is chemical dependency.

When a loved one is struggling with a chemical dependency, it can have a profound impact on you and your family. You may not be the person with the dependency, but you are affected by it, nonetheless. Taking care of your mental health and well-being is the best way to help your loved one.

Feelings you may have

When you have a loved one who has an addiction or chemical dependency, you may be able to recognize it before they do. As an outside observer, you may notice things that change about them or enable their dependency. Once you become aware of the chemical dependency, you may have a variety of feelings, including denial, anger, fear, and grief.

These feelings are valid, but if you are not careful with your response, your feelings can lead to further issues. You might be tempted to argue or rationalize with the addicted person as if your anger could change them. An emotional response may feel valid to you but may trigger a negative reaction in them. It is tempting to become hyper-controlling of your loved one, but this strategy will likely backfire.

Hyper-controlling is a behavior characterized by excessive attempts to control others or oneself. It can be seen in various settings, including personal relationships, work, and school. Hyper-controlling people may be perfectionists who have difficulty delegating tasks or accepting help from others. They may also be anxious or insecure and may feel the need to control others to feel safe or secure.

Such behavior can harm both the individual and the people around them. It can lead to conflict, resentment, and isolation. If you are struggling with hyper-controlling behavior, there are steps you can take to address it. Therapy can help identify the underlying causes of your behavior and develop strategies for change. You can also be more mindful of your thoughts and behaviors and challenge the beliefs that lead to hyper-controlling behavior.

What can be done for chemical dependency?

Learn how to set boundaries for your safety and well-being. Setting boundaries about what is allowed in your presence or how to respond to negative behaviors will require planning. If you leave it up to how you feel in the moment, you will be more easily persuaded to give in.

You cannot fix them. Watching your loved one engage in this behavior may be painful, but they need to be willing to change themselves. If they ask for your help in overcoming a chemical dependency, then you can give it, but you cannot force it on them without their consent.

You should not enable them. By avoiding confrontation about their addiction, you may avoid unpleasant conflict, but you are actually enabling the behavior. Whether through money or other means, consider if your actions and behaviors enable their dependency. You may need to talk to a counselor to determine if your behavior enables them.

Do your research. Seek out information to help you understand what is happening to your loved one’s brain. Information is a powerful tool for your ability to respond.

Chemical dependence therapy for yourself

When you find yourself confronted with a loved one’s chemical dependency or addiction, it can be unmooring. While you may want them to go to therapy, that can be like leading the proverbial horse to water. If you see therapy’s value, you should go for yourself.

Talking to a therapist can help you determine how to help your loved one best. A counselor can help you determine if you are safe and give you support if you can help your loved one overcome their addiction.

If you have found yourself confronted with a loved one’s chemical dependency and would like to talk, call us at Mission Viejo Christian Counseling in California today to find the right fit for you.