Toxic Friendship Signs: What to Look Out For

Do you have that one friend that wears you out? Do you feel drained after spending time with him or her? Maybe he or she makes you feel worthless or insecure. Your friend may be a childhood buddy or a coworker and have many great attributes, but this person makes you uncomfortable with the things he or she says or does or the demands he or she places on you. You may be in a toxic friendship.

Once you recognize the toxic friendship signs, you can decide how to spend less time with that person and work on rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.

Why toxic friendships are harmful.

Toxic friendships are brutal. The stress they cause can affect your emotional, mental, and physical health.

People in a toxic friendship commonly complain of the following:

• Feeling depressed or sad.
• Feeling hopeless.
• Feeling guilty or ashamed.
• Feel that they are “burning the candle at both ends.”
• Fatigue and emotionally drained.
• Headaches and stomachaches.
• Unexplained aches and pains throughout the body.
• Anxiety or panic attacks.
• Chronic inflammation.
• Turning to vices for escapism, like alcohol, drugs, or food.

Over the long term, people in toxic friendships can become traumatized by emotional and mental abuse. Chronic inflammation can increase the likelihood of developing conditions such as obesity, diabetes, or cancer.

Be on the lookout for toxic friendship signs and avoid continuing in the relationship.

Eight signs of a toxic friendship

Watch out for the following eight toxic friendship signs, and seek the help of a counselor if you feel trapped in a toxic relationship.

Your friend doesn’t own up to being wrong.

Does it seem like your friend is never at fault? You know he or she is wrong but refuses to admit it. Instead, he or she shifts the blame onto others. He or she may blame you and say hateful things to you. He or she might gaslight you with their comments and then act as if he or she is the victim when you finally confront him or her.

For example, your friend might scream accusations at you for something she did, and when you snap back, she tells others that she only mentioned it to you, and you flew off the handle. People who cannot see their own faults will always blame others.

Your friend makes you feel guilty for not helping him or her.

Does your friend make you feel guilty for not helping him or her? Does he or she try to avoid helping you when you need it? For example, does your friend blast all over social media in a passive-aggressive manner when you must turn them down about something?

Maybe she has a flat tire, but you are at work and cannot help her. It’s as if she has forgotten all the other times you have been able to drop everything and be there for her.

This type of friend tries to guilt trip you into being there for him or her. When that doesn’t work, he or she may tell others that you don’t care about him or her. Now you are caught in the middle of trying to defend yourself to others and help your friend. Your actions are now motivated by guilt, shame, and the fear of rejection from others. This is a manipulative tactic of control.

Your friend ignores your boundaries.

Toxic friends ignore boundaries. They may decide that your relationship is close, so they don’t need to ask your permission. Or they may not care about boundaries and instead do what they want when it pleases them and expect you to give them special treatment.

For example, your friend may call your home late at night after your family is in bed to chat about his day. Even after you have asked him not to call past a specific time, he continues because that rule does not apply to him. Or maybe your friend borrows your things without asking or comes over uninvited. Ignoring clear boundaries is a sign of disrespect.

Your friend doesn’t seem to care about your values or priorities.

Most people have intrinsic values and specific things that mean a great deal to them. For example, your spiritual life and your personal relationship with Jesus may be your intrinsic value.

You follow God’s Word and use its relevancy to live a life of integrity. However, your friend tries to pressure you to do things outside your beliefs. When you refuse, she becomes belligerent or spiteful or gives you the silent treatment.

Your priorities are just as important. For example, if you are a family man and love nurturing your relationships with your wife and children, it doesn’t make sense to be your friend’s wingman at the bar every Saturday night.

No matter how much your friend tries to ridicule you, the priority of your family life must come first. This toxic friend only considers what he receives from the friendship, not what you want (and need).

Your friend thinks the world revolves around himself or herself.

Ignoring your boundaries, priorities, and values is the hallmark of a person who believes the world revolves around himself or herself. Your friend may have a mental condition that makes it difficult to empathize with others or see how his or her actions affect friends.

However, you cannot continue the friendship until your friend has received professional help. It is difficult to be a friend to a person in the grip of a condition like narcissistic personality disorder or histrionic personality disorder.

When your toxic friend is acting out in ways that bring attention to him or her or seems easily impressionable by others, the consequences of his or her behavior may impact your life. He or she may demand your attention, time, or finances.

Your friend wants you to change.

To a toxic friend, you will never be perfect or acceptable. He or she may be jealous of your appearance, home life, material possessions, career, or attention. His or her suggestions for you to change may bring you down to his or her level or create a condition so others see you as flawed.

For example, if you are quiet and keep to yourself, your friend may ridicule you about your clothing and behavior, insisting that you drop your inhibitions. If he or she can’t change you, he or she will strive to change other people’s opinions of you.

Your toxic friend may covet your marriage and secretly make a play for your spouse. He or she might bring chaos to your household until your spouse insists that you choose between your marriage or your friend, causing you to become defensive and feel like your spouse has backed you into a corner.

Your friend brings drama.

Take a long look at your toxic friend’s life. Does he or she seem to have drama everywhere he or she goes? It might be arguments at work or accusations of harassment. For example, your friend may have attended four different colleges because of not getting along with classmates or professors.

She may job-hop because the managers hit on her, coworkers started trouble, or she is too good for the job. Her personal relationships might fall flat because of what she says her significant others do.

These toxic friends cannot escape drama because they are often behind it. Their own behavior and words may cause others to react negatively toward them. They adopt the victim mentality when this happens and blame others for their failures.

Your friend drains you mentally and emotionally.

Abuse is not just a physical act and doesn’t have to originate from your parents or significant other. You can experience traumatic mental and emotional abuse from a toxic friend. This person has little regard for your feelings and may even believe and say that you owe him or her.

In essence, this friend is a bully. He or she drains you mentally and emotionally. Your friend might also drain you of your finances, insisting that you give money or resources. This behavior must stop before its negative effects compound and leave you ill.

Do you need help setting boundaries or ending a toxic friendship?

After reading the toxic friendship signs, are you convinced that your smothering relationship harms your health? Breaking a bond, especially a toxic one, can affect your mental health. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor who can walk you through the steps and support you. Your counselor wants to see you thrive in healthy friendships and can help you take the steps to thrive in them.