Divine Disappointment: Finding a Path for Forgiveness in the Aftermath of Unanswered Prayer

One of the most frustrating and demoralizing experiences in the life of a believer is that of unanswered prayer. It presents a quandary to us as thinking beings, created in the image of an all-knowing God. We live in what feels like opposing realities, shaped to be inquisitive, yet called to trust in an invisible Father.

There are times when He rains blessings that outpace our comprehension and capacity to receive. Yet, there are other times when His blessing is not the affirmative response we anticipated, but rather the prayer He doesn’t answer.

Sometimes, as we can reflect on our lives, we feel relieved that God didn’t answer our prayers in a particular way. However, that is usually after we’ve gained the perspective that accompanies maturity. The answer we once wanted was subpar in comparison to what the Father had planned for us.

There are other times, however, when the silent response to our prayer widened a chasm in our souls. It left us wondering, “where were you, God?” in moments when catastrophe erupted instead of the miracle we anticipated.

While specifics vary, we all identify with the feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness that come when prayers are not answered. We feel abandoned and rejected, and we begin to question how a Father who loves us didn’t respond to our faith. It seems unfair. However, we like fairness because it affirms our sense of rightness and aligns with our presumption of how things “should” conclude.

However, we don’t see that there is often more to God’s overarching plan and the interconnected nature of our lives than our natural sight and scope permit. When God doesn’t answer visible and tangible circumstances with what, how, or when we ask, we are always faced with opportunity, choice, and responsibility.

Opportunity

None of our internal storms surprise God, even when they stir against our perception of Him. Although we may experience deep pain and disappointment with God Himself, our willingness to approach Him will speak to the nature of our process and outcome. We can view our difficulties as obstacles or as invitations and opportunities to gain experience and grow in our relationship.

Even when faced with unanswered prayer, we can either turn away from God in anger, resolving to abandon faith in the One who promised to never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:8). Or, we can decide to abide in the relationship, though the outcome may not be what we prayed or fasted for.

Jesus promised to give ease or grace for what He has called us to walk through with Him, but that doesn’t translate to a life free of hardship (Matthew 11:28-30). Although we will suffer and go through tests, there is victory and an abundance of peace and joy that is accessible to us, regardless of the outer condition.

While we may face distinct challenges and grapple with unlikely responses from God, we don’t have to discard hope. The word encourages and uplifts with examples of those who navigated the aftermath of unanswered prayer with grit and grace. They stewarded opportunities to showcase the glory of God, choose peace and joy amidst suffering, and safeguard their role and responsibility in extending God’s Kingdom through personal trials and triumphs.

Choice

Though we may feel crucified by our circumstances, submitting ourselves to Christ’s Lordship positions us to experience intimacy, authority, and glory that comes through no other path than suffering with Him. The Bible fortifies our faith and fuels our endurance as we read of others who faced their own set of choices that resulted in God’s blessing, despite pain and suffering.

Although an upright man, Job declared that even if God were to slay him, he would still trust in the Almighty (Job 13:15). He suffered great loss in every area of his life: relationally, financially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Job held what appeared to be opposite positions: a ferocious trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty simultaneous with debilitating grief, and eventually, the experience of restoration.

Jesus Himself, could have chosen to succumb to temptation in the wilderness after He had been baptized or to have legions of angels rescue Him from the pending punishment of crucifixion (Matthew 4:1, 26:53). Throughout His earthly assignment, He continually turned toward the Father in prayer and obedience, despite hunger, fatigue, and grief.

In one snapshot, we see a raw encounter, where the Savior cried out in agony and prayer, asking the Father to remove the cup of suffering (Luke 22:42). Later, when dying, He asked the Father why had He forsaken Him (Matthew 27:46). Both instances, the first in the Garden and the second at Golgotha, were met with silence as the Scripture offers no audible or implied response from the Father.

Although Jesus implored desperately, pressed under the weight of the world’s sin, He surrendered in the same breath. While yet in Gethsemane, He resolved, “Nevertheless,” preferring the Will of His Father over the comfort and convenience of avoiding the Cross. It was in surrender to that “unanswered prayer” that we followed Jesus into a future frame, where He declared, “it is finished” as His final words hung in the air as He died on a Roman Cross.

When we feel abandoned and forgotten, we have the opportunity, choice, and responsibility to bring our hurt, anger, and unforgiveness so we don’t have to remain entangled or imprisoned by the pain of unanswered prayer.

Responsibility

These examples can inspire and encourage us to embrace the opportunity set before us, to choose life, and accept the responsibility we have in our relationship with God. He calls us His sons and daughters (1 John 3:1-2). He calls us friends (John 15:15) in the Scriptures, inferring a kind regard, esteem, and trust that He places in us to choose well. Quality relationships, even in our interactions with other humans such as friends or family, are undermined and weakened when we force or even expect everything to go as we want.

Such relationships borne out of fear and control aren’t marked by love. God loves us, so He won’t manipulate us. Because we love Him, we need not try to force His hand when He doesn’t perform in alignment with what we want. When our requests are good in and of themselves, but perhaps contrary to a larger purpose that He hasn’t revealed, it can spark entitlement, resentment, and unforgiveness that we harbor in our hearts. A process of growth and maturity teaches us how to surrender our hearts and brokenness, to grow in meaningful connection with the Lord.

He is still Creator and Father and in His Sovereignty and omnipotence, He wants to cover us, offering the protection and peace that accompanies a Father’s detailed, divine care. Not having every prayer answered to our specifications entrusts Him with the power and authority to orchestrate what serves His overall purpose (Romans 8:28).

If we can trust that God is good and doesn’t withhold His good gifts, when He’s initiated goodness by surrendering His only Son for our earthly and eternal benefit, then we can receive His help to submit to goodness, even as it sometimes arrives in the form of unanswered prayer (Psalm 84:11; Romans 8:32).

Next steps

Wherever you are on this journey you can take comfort in God’s care for you. While you may experience unforgiveness in your heart toward Him because of unanswered prayer, you aren’t the first and won’t be the last. The path of repentance is always open, leading to a restored relationship with Him that reflects peace and joy.

Contacting a counselor through this site may be the next step to healing your heart and relieving the weight of disappointment. Reach out today and schedule to find a path to forgiveness and your place of peace.