Christian Premarital Counseling: Does it Help?

One of the most significant moments is when you get engaged to the person you want to do life with. This is a moment in life that you have chosen and been chosen. So now you begin the process of preparing for the wedding day. Something that most couples don’t think about is Christian premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling isn’t something that is done to dictate the laws of marriage. This is a way for you and your fiancé to understand the dynamics of marriage and how to work together as a team for life.

Why is premarital counseling important?

The importance of counseling prior to marriage is to assist you and your fiancé in making godly decisions about your marriage and life together. As you engage in Christian premarital counseling you will find that you understand the expectations that each of you holds regarding marriage.

You will also discover how both of you can work to address the areas of difference. You learn to understand the thought process of each other when it comes to parenting, financial decisions, and home life.

Topics and questions to consider

During your Christian premarital counseling sessions, you will discuss a variety of topics. The counselor will guide you and your fiancé through a series of thought-provoking questions. It is the goal of the counselor to discuss topics that are not part of your everyday conversation with your fiancé. This will help you both understand some of the expectations of each other. These are just a sample of questions that may come up for each topic.

Relationship.

The first part of premarital counseling may revolve around finding out who you are as an engaged couple. These questions will discuss things about your relationship now.

• How long have you known each other?
• How long have you been dating?
• Do you think you can help each other become better? How?
• What is your most common disagreement at this point in your relationship? How do you resolve it?

Marriage expectations.

This topic will cover the aspects of the marriage relationship. These questions will be used to discuss what you and your fiancé believe about marriage. You will discuss the various aspects such as roles, finances, and home life.

• What are your hopes for life and marriage?
• What are your expectations of marriage?
• Do you have beliefs about alone time?
• What are your expectations of having a date night?

Faith.

When it comes to marriage and family, faith is a very important area of life. You and your fiancé need to know where you both stand on various faith-based views.

• What are your religious views?
• Will faith and church be a significant part of your family’s life?
• Will you follow Godly principles for your marriage and family?

Home.

Once you are married you will begin creating a life in a new home. You will need to understand how to work as a team to have a stable home.

• Where will live and build your home life?
• What roles do you expect each of you to hold?
• Will one person be in charge or is it going to be an equal partnership?

Children.

The decision to have children is one of the biggest topics in marriage. It is best to know upfront how each of you believes about children and raising them. You don’t want to get married and find out that you have vastly different ideas about having children.

• Do you want children? How many?
• What is your discipline expectation of children?
• Will you choose public or home school?

Financial expectations.

Everything in life has financial expectations. As you become a married couple you will need to understand your financial expectations.

• What are your expectations for financial management?
• Will you have one or two incomes?
• What are your thoughts on debt?

Relatives and friends.

In-laws and friends can affect a marriage positively or negatively. You and your fiancé will need to reach an understanding of the influence that family and friends will be allowed to have.

• How often will you see your in-laws?
• What role will your friends have once you are married?
• Has your family background affected who you are today?

Applying faith-based principles.

Christian premarital counseling is focused on faith-based principles for a healthy and godly marriage. Several scriptures and principles can be applied to lead you and your fiancé. When using these principles, it becomes easier to work together when it comes to creating a stable and healthy home for your family.

And He said to him, “‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. – Matthew 22:37-38, NASB

Remember that Jesus comes first and you should love Him most.

“Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.” – Matthew 7:1-2, NASB

Do not be judgmental of your spouse.

As for the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:9, NASB

Always take responsibility for yourself.

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29, NASB

Speak life and positivity over your life.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 2:3-5, NASB

Put your spouse before you in Christ.

Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. – Colossians 3:13, NASB

Always forgive one another just as God has forgiven you.

In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely the external – braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on apparel; but it should be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way the holy women of former times, who hoped in God, also used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; and you have proved to be her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. – 1 Peter 3:1-6, NASB

Wife: always love your husband as Christ and with respect.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7, NASB

Husband: always love your wife as Christ loves and shepherds you.

Consider Christian premarital counseling for your marriage.

Review these verses for your marriage and connect with our office to begin your journey of Christian premarital counseling. We are here to help you and your fiancé build a life together that is firmly planted in God’s Word. As you consider these questions before saying “I do,” you will work through potential issues before they arise in your marriage.

The counselors at Mission Viejo Christian Counseling are here to support you as you get to know one another on a deeper level. Reach out today to get started.