5 Habits of Toxic Couples

The word toxic has become a popular word to describe unhealthy relationships or the unhealthy behaviors or actions of one person. It is an apt description, as being toxic is certainly is a way to bring harm to or kill friendships, close relationships, and marriages.

People who behave in this way cause harm predominantly through emotional means. While the exact behavior can be difficult to identify, the effect is obvious and very destructive.

A single person acting in a toxic manner will tend to lose friendships. When in a romantic relationship or marriage, it is more difficult for ties to be broken, and the damage can continue for an extended period until it is finally ruptured or a process of recovery has begun.

5 Habits of Toxic Couples

A toxic couple can have numerous patterns or dynamics. It could be that one person is solely responsible, while the other is a victim of the unhealthy behavior, or both individuals could be actively involved in hurting each other. These are five habits that tend to coexist with toxic couples:

1. Toxic couples exhibit disrespect and a lack of care.

Toxic couples tend to treat one another disrespectfully and are careless with their words and actions. This prevents a relationship from flourishing, as healthy partnerships are based on mutual standards of love and respect.

If you feel that the things that you say to your spouse are hurtful and damaging, take an active decision to moderate your speech. While this requires self-control, you will soon see the power of your words, and how speaking lovingly and encouragingly immediately creates a more positive dynamic.

When one partner chooses to show respect, there is often a reciprocation. If your partner speaks to you harshly, you can let them know how it makes you feel, and ask them whether that was their intention. This can be the first step toward acknowledging and working on toxicity in a relationship.

2. Toxic couples display criticism and contempt.

Criticism is one of the behaviors that most reliably predicts divorce. The same goes for contempt, which is a negative emotion where a person shows disgust and disregard for another person.

Toxic couples have often adopted the behaviors of both of these characteristics and are unable to resist the temptation to put the other person down. When one person is on the receiving end of constant criticism, their self-esteem is severely impacted. They will likely begin to harbor feelings of contempt toward the person inflicting the pain, although they may not show this outwardly.

3. Stonewalling and defensiveness.

Toxic couples often have not learned how to communicate productively and healthily. As a result, they react in a fight or flight response to conflict situations. A person who avoids conflict will shut themselves off from the verbal attack that they receive from their spouse or partner.

As a result, they stonewall them, withdrawing physically and emotionally to prevent them from being further hurt. Unfortunately, it tends to cause even greater aggression and anger on the side of the person who is being shut out and is a toxic habit for relationships.

4. Toxic couples engage in controlling behaviors.

If manipulation and control form part of the dynamic between two people, you can guarantee that this will give rise to a toxic couple status. While individuals in a relationship or marriage share things like their finances, friendships, and hobbies, a healthy partnership acknowledges that there should be space for individuality. If your partner is overly controlling over how you spend money and whom you spend time with, this is a warning sign of toxicity.

5. Lack of support.

God created marriage for companionship and support. A relationship that provides this will be fulfilling and enriching. Toxic couples do not have this core principle in place, and this can play out in various ways. Sometimes, they will be competitive with one another, instead of cheering their spouse on in their success. When you don’t feel encouraged and positive after spending time with your partner, it could be that there is a lack of mutual support.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

Toxic couples are not doomed for failure. Both individuals must acknowledge that there are behaviors that need to change. Ideally, this happens with the help of a trained Christian counselor.

It is more difficult if only one person in the relationship wants to change, but, with God, nothing is impossible. If the situation has evolved into one where abuse is present (either physical or emotional), help needs to be sought immediately.

Reach out to our office today for help. The counselors at Mission Viejo Christian Counseling can offer faith-based services that help both you and your partner escape the toxic nature of your relationship to find something healthy and rooted in love.